


I'll Call You Juliet

by Phoenix_Flower_Techtress



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, College, Crossdressing, Cutting, Dancing, Depression, Female/Female Relationship, Flashbacks, High School, M/M, Male Slash, Male/Female Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Sexy Times, There are happy times, This is not just a heavy and sad fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-17 19:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5882383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Flower_Techtress/pseuds/Phoenix_Flower_Techtress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed is finally moving out to go to college in East City, with Alphonse in tow. Hoping this will be a chance to break free of his tortured past, Ed attempts to throw himself into college life, even going so far as starting a controversial relationship with a familiar face from the distant past. The relationship turns out to be more than he bargained for (not that that's a bad thing), Al's crushing on the land lady, Ed regains his passion for cross-dressing in private, Winry's testing the waters of her sexuality, the land lady's brother is really weird and likes to host slumber parties, and Ed's biochemistry professor wants to train him in martial arts. Things seem to be going amazingly, but in Ed's experience, good things don't tend to last, and the dark shadow haunting his childhood doesn't want to let go just yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy doo! Now, I know I'm supposed to be working on other stuff. Namely, my Naruto fics, but my laptop with the new chapter for Tales From a High School Marching Band crashed, and now I have to start all over. I decided to take a break and work on another fandom for a little while. This fic is going to get pretty dark, as you could probably tell from the tags, but I'll post a warning in the Author's notes before any chapter with dark stuff. However, the fic is not entirely dark and sad, a lot of it is pretty damn happy. I hope you guys like it.
> 
> The prologue is really short, but future chapters will be longer, I swear. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or the characters, but this plot is completely owned by my brain. Enjoy.

_I was twelve years old, and we lived in a big house outside of East City._

_I was twelve years old, and my little brother and I would play dress up with Mom when Dad wasn't home._

_I was twelve years old, and I liked to wear the pretty dresses in Mom's closet._

_I was twelve years old, and Mom made me swear not to tell Dad._

_I was twelve years old, and I asked to wear one to the Fall Festival._

_I was twelve years old, and Dad wasn't supposed to be home._

_I was twelve years old, and I danced with an older boy I'd never met._

_I was twelve years old, and he kissed my cheek, promising to never forget his Juliet._

_I was twelve years old, and I thought I'd fallen in love._

_I was twelve years old, and I was too happy to notice the lights on in our big house._

_I was twelve years old, and Dad saw me wearing Mom's pretty red dress._

_I was twelve years old, and I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Really, I did._

_I was twelve years old, and I got a little clumsy after that._

_I was twelve years old, and Mom didn't come home one day._

_I was twelve years old, and I found her in the river at the bottom of the hill._

_I was twelve years old, and I got really clumsy after that._

_I was twelve years old, and my little brother slept in my bed to keep the night terrors away._

_I was twelve years old, and we lived in a big house outside of East City._

_I was twelve years old, and I lived in Hell._


	2. Hit the Road, Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, Yay! So, a little backstory for any one who's curious, this does take place in Amestris, just an alternate reality one. No alchemy. 
> 
> Ling and May show up in this chapter. I have them speaking Chinese to each other, as I'm pretty sure Xing is based off of China. I'll put the translations at the end of the chapter. Be warned, I am using Google Translate (which I know is not the most reliable source, but it's what I had). It's labeled as simplified Chinese, which I'm assuming means informal. If anybody speaks Chinese, and sees an incorrect translation (or if a sentence makes no sense in that language), please tell me so I can fix it.
> 
> I'm not doing disclaimers every chapter. Obviously, the characters aren't mine, so no need to furiously beat a dead horse. Maybe, I'll remind you in a few chapters just so you don't forget.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy.

**6 Years Later...**

“Come on, Al, hurry up! I want to get as much distance between us and here as quickly as possible!” I called up the steps. I stood in the open doorway as I waited for him. Outside, the summer sun shone brightly over the grassy fields, the cicadas screamed in the forests, and Den barked up a storm as our neighbor Winry helped pack up the car.

Upstairs, the clamor of rushing footsteps and the clatter of objects falling on the floor almost drowned out Al's frantic, “I'm coming!” before he appeared on the landing. “I'm ready, let's go!”

“Great,” I said with a wide grin. _Finally_ , we were getting away from this place. After six years of hell, we were finally free. Turning to grab my brown, leather suitcase, I started to head out the door.

“Edward," my father's voice called from the study making me freeze, "Come meet me in my study before you go.” 

“Damn... almost made it,” I hissed. The plan had been to get out of the house, and on the road, without so much as having to look at that bastard's face. So much for that.

Al wrapped his fingers around my wrist. “I can go with you. You don't have to face him by yourself.”

I just smiled and patted his hand. “It's okay. You go ahead and help Winry pack the car.”

Al shot me a skeptical look. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive. Five minutes, and we'll be on our way. I promise.” I winked and gently pulled away from his grasp. Al's known what's been happening for years, but I never wanted him to know the darkest parts of it. He doesn't need to know. He doesn't need to worry.

So, after taking a deep breath, I stalked down the hallway towards the study.

* * *

 

There was nothing but green on either side of the road as we set off on our journey. Trees and the odd car whizzed past, but I didn’t notice them. I was too busy concentrating on ignoring the stare Al was sending my way. At first, it was just glances every ten seconds, as if he was working up the nerve to say something. Now, he was simply staring. I knew he’d decided I was going to speak first, and I knew he wouldn’t let up until I did.

“Nothing happened,” I huffed. It was a bold-faced lie, and from the irritated look on Al’s face, he could see right through it.

“You were in there for _**twenty**_ minutes, brother,"  Al seethed. "Not five, not ten. Twenty.”

I gritted my teeth. “So, the bastard wanted to tell me a few things before I left. Reiterate the ground rules for me being able to keep you.”

“And those ground rules include giving you a limp?”

I tensed. “Leave it alone, Al—“

“No, brother!” he cut in. “You always try to shut me out, but I saw it, brother. I saw the limp you were trying to hide when you left the house. He did something, and I want to know what!” He fell silent for a few moments until he spoke again in a much softer tone, “Please, brother, let me help you. Let me be here for you.”

I let out an exasperated, yet resigned sigh. “I’ll tell you later,” I finally said. “Right now, I just want to enjoy this time with you, and away from him. Can we do that, please?”

Al seemed to consider it, never taking his eyes off of me for a second. “You promise you’ll tell me later?” he asked in a small voice.

I chanced taking my eyes off the road to meet his. “I promise. Now,” I look back, signaling a change in topic, “talk to me about this May Chang chick. I never got to talk to her on the phone.

A light blush burned Al’s cheeks at the mention of our new land lady. Neither of us had met her yet, but Al had been talking on the phone with her for weeks, and I could tell he had the beginnings of a crush.

“She sounds really nice,” he started slowly. “The apartment complex actually belongs to her half-brother; she’s just in charge of it. He runs several more throughout the city. May said that we get a special rate since you’re starting at the university.”

“You like her?” I said with a grin.

“Brother! I’ve never met her!” he protested as his blush deepened. I arched an eyebrow at him, clearly showing that I was not buying it. Al huffed and knocked his head back on the head rest. “But she is a senior at East City High, just like I am. She said I could carpool with her to school.” My grin widened as I glanced back at him. “B-but that doesn’t mean anything!” he spluttered. “I mean, we’re going to the same place, so we might as well. She’s probably just being nice, because I’m new and don’t know my way around yet.”

I chuckled at his weak protests. “Maybe, Al, maybe. But at the very least, you’ve got your foot in the door. You never know, she might like sweet boys.”

“Brother!” he exclaimed as I laughed. This was what I wanted. Just to laugh and be happy with my little brother. I knew it couldn't last long. Nothing good in my life ever lasts long.

* * *

 

The two of us stood on the front doorstep of Xingese Paradise Apartments. The moment was finally here. We were moving into our own apartment. I felt confidence wash through me as I reached forward to open the front door, but it suddenly faltered right before I could brush my fingertips across the doorknob. I knew what was happening. I could feel the anxiety clawing at my throat, desperately trying to be free, as I stared at the offending object standing between me and my freedom.

I heaved a breath, trying to force in the oxygen that just wouldn't come, as my vision hazed along the edges. It was right there! The fucking portal to my life away from that man was right in front of me, and I _wanted_ it so badly. Why wouldn't my brain just let me have it? Why couldn't I just--

“Brother,” Al's soft voice broke through the mess of my thoughts, and a gentle hand covered my trembling one. I blink as I look up at him. He smiled at me the same way Mom used to. “You're not alone, brother,” he whispered. “I'm here, too. We can do this; _you_ can do this.”

I stared at him for a moment considering his words, before nodding and turning to face the door again. Al was right. I could do this. I could have this. So, with a deep breathe, I closed my fingers around the doorknob and pushed it open.

Xingese decorations littered the small office area. From stone dragons on either side of the check-in desk, to Kanji scrolls lining the walls. A black and white cat lay curled up on one of the dragon heads. There was a door directly behind the desk, and a set of stairs to the left of it.

At the sound of our entrance, a rather short girl with long dark hair looked up from the giant textbook laid out on the desk. A grin broke out across her face as she took in our appearances.

“You must be the Elric boys, am I right? Which one of you is Alphonse?” she asked excitedly shifting her gaze from one face to the other.

Al raised his hand and smiled through his blush. “Hi, May. Please, call me Al. I'm happy to finally meet you face to face.”

May was definitely better at hiding it than Al, but I caught the slightest hit of heated cheeks at Al's words. He may not know it, but my little brother was one smooth fucker. May's grin didn't falter, though. Instead, she leaned back in her chair to shout through the slightly open door right behind her.

“Hey, Ling! _Huòdé tā mā de zài zhèlǐ_!”

“ _Wèishéme_?” a male voice shouted back from inside.

“ _Zài Elrics zài zhèlǐ_!”

“ _Shénme? Dàn wǒ méiyǒu kùzi chuān_!”

May rolled her eyes. “ _Suǒyǐ bǎ yīxiē guānyú, báichī_!” Suddenly, her large eyes took on an evil glint. “ _Tāmen shì zhēnzhèng yǒu xīyǐn lì..._...” she said with a nonchalant air.

Something crashed to the floor as whoever was in the other room scrambled around for something. May wore a self-satisfied smirk as a boy around their age with long dark hair tied back in a ponytail appeared in the doorway.

The boy looked the both of them up and down several times, before breaking out a flashy smile. “Hey, there, I'm Ling Yao. I own the place.” He reached over the desk to shake each of their hands, lingering a bit too long for both of them. With a wink he said, “Either of you boys have a problem, you just come to me, you hear?”

May scowled and elbowed Ling lightly in the ribs. “ _Hēi gāodà de shì wǒ de. Fàngshǒu_!”

Now, it was Ling's turn to roll his eyes. “ _Hǎo, nǐ kěyǐ shuō_...” he grumbled.

I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable standing in the middle of the room listening to them bicker. I couldn't speak Xingese, but from the way Ling kept eyeing me(which wasn't making my discomfort any better), I thought I had a pretty good idea. Al, on the other hand, seemed to be utterly fascinated listening to them converse in their own language. Whether that interest was genuine or stemmed from his obvious crush, was anybody's guess.

“It's, uh, nice to meet you, Ling,” I cut in before May could start arguing again. “I'm sure everything will be to our liking. May's been really helpful over the last few weeks setting everything up for us.”

May brightened. “It was my pleasure. It's been a while since we've had younger tenants. All that's left to take care of is the down payment. You brought it?”

I nodded as I quickly reached into my inside coat pocket for the check. May had advised against mailing it, saying it was simpler and safer to just bring it with us. “There it is.” I handed it to her. “So, we can move in now, right?”

May bobbed her head as she handed the check off to a pouting Ling to take care of, before rounding the desk. “Yep, everything's set. If you'll follow me up these stairs, I'll show you the flat.” She headed up the steps. “As I've told Al, the rooms are already furnished, so all you have to do is stock the cupboards. I'm not your housekeeper, so don't expect me to clean up after you. Although, Ed,” she stopped in front of door number seven, “Since I know you're just starting at the university, let me know whenever you're going to have a late night. I'll cook dinner for the two of you.”

Al and I both blinked as she led us into the room. “Really? You don't have to do that,” I started to protest. I'd been cooking our dinners since Mom died. It had just been one of the many jobs my father made me take up to replace her. I was pretty decent at it, seeing as failure wasn't really an option in our home. For me, anyway.

May simply waved me off with a huff. “It's not a problem. I want to, and I'll have no arguments. Now, here are your rooms. This is the living room, master bedroom is at the end of the hall to our right, with the regular bedroom right beside the bathroom.” She pointed to an archway in the wall. “Through there is the kitchen, it's equipped with a refrigerator, oven, and microwave. No dishwasher, though. If you need laundry done, there's a washer and dryer in the basement. The doorway is on the side of the staircase. Now, I have some tests I need to study for, so I'll leave you two to unpack or take naps. If you need anything, just come downstairs and ring the service bell.” She smiled and headed for the door.

As soon as the door clicked shut and May's footsteps receded down the hall, Al whirled on me, “Did you see what textbook she was reading?”

I frowned, “Yeah, some kind of medical textbook. Why?”

Al tried to shrug nonchalantly, but his shy expression ruined it. “She's interested in Med School, just like me.”

A tired smile tugged at my lips. I was exhausted from the drive up here, the "meeting" with my father that morning, and then adding a near anxiety attack and the strange greeting from the creepy landlord. I was dead on my feet. However, Al crushing on this girl still managed to make me smile.

“So, there's another thing you have in common. Congratulations,” I teased. “Well, I'm going to take a nap. You should, too.” Stiffly, I headed down the hallway. “Which room do you want?” I called back.

“I'll take the regular room. You go ahead and take the master bedroom, brother!” he answered.

I didn't take the time to survey the room, or even strip out of my clothes. Although, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I'd probably regret that later. Leather pants are never easy to sleep in. However, I was too tired to care and simply fell into bed, drifting off as soon as I hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Hey, Ling! Huòdé tā mā de zài zhèlǐ!- Hey, Ling! Get the fuck out here!
> 
> Wèishéme?- Why?
> 
> Zài Elrics zài zhèlǐ!- The Elrics are here!
> 
> Shénme? Dàn wǒ méiyǒu kùzi chuān!- What? But I'm not wearing pants!
> 
> Suǒyǐ bǎ yīxiē guānyú, báichī!- So, put some on, idiot!
> 
> Tāmen shì zhēnzhèng yǒu xīyǐn lì...- They are really hot... (translation fixed)
> 
> Hēi gāodà de shì wǒ de. Fàngshǒu!- Hey! The tall one's mine. Hands off! (literally "let go")
> 
> Hǎo, nǐ kěyǐ shuō- Well, you could have said...
> 
> And there are your translations. I hope you enjoyed it. Please, comment if you have the time. I love hearing from readers.


	3. It's Easier to Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for being late! I've had a lot of catching up to do with my college courses, and I had to skip out on writing this for a while. But it's done now, it's here, and I hope you guys will for give me.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: This chapter is an emotional roller coaster, so you guys better buckle up. Let's see, the opening scene is a flashback with detailed child abuse, there's a full blown panic attack, implied drug abuse, and the cleaning of self-harm wounds. I think that's everything, but if I missed something just let me know in the comments, and I'll put it up here with an apology. 
> 
> New characters, guys! I hope you enjoy them. Check out the notes at the end of the chapter for some Xingese/Chinese translations. I'm not just using Google translate anymore! I've upgraded to a site on Contemporary Chinese Slang.

_The lights are already on when I enter the house. I guess, I didn’t notice coming up the drive. I’m too excited over meeting **him** to really register much. There's no way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. Or maybe, I should try, just to see him again in my dreams. Isn't this how it's supposed to go in all the fairy tales Mom's always reading to us? Oh God, wait till I tell her! She'll be so happy for me! _

_“What the hell are you wearing?” Dad was standing in the living room doorway. Why is he here? Mom said he was out of town. Oh well, now he gets to see how pretty I look._

_“Mom's red dress,” I reply with a wide smile. “Look, Dad, don't I look pretty!” I twirl around like I do for Mom so he can get a better look._

_“Stop that!” He shouts. I freeze. Why is he angry? “Dad? Are you angry?_

_Did I do something wr--” A sharp pain hits my face, and I stumble back into the door from the force. “Dad?” He hit me. “Why did you—OW!” He yanks me forward by the arm. It **hurts**. Why is he hurting me? _

_“Dad, please stop,” I beg as tears prick at my eyes, but it's no use. The look in his eyes is terrifying as he raises his hand to slap me again. He slams it into the side of my head, and my vision turns spotty. I'm so scared and confused. I don't know what I did. I try to hold up my free arm, my right arm, to block another blow, but he shoves me. Mom's flat boots slide across the floor, and I can't steady myself. I'm falling, and then there's a crash as I land._

_Agonizing pain rips up my arm and through my body. I scream. **It hurts**. Tears fall as I open my bleary eyes. I'm on my side, and I'm barely able to grasp that my arm is **not** supposed to bend that way, when a large hand wraps around my throat. It doesn't squeeze, though. It just pushes me on my aching back and holds me there. _

_“I did not raise my **son** to wear dresses and make up like a **girl** ,” he hisses. “I didn't raise my **son** to be a goddamn **faggot**!” _

_“Dad, please,” I choke through my tears, “Please, stop...”_

_He leans forward so all I can see are his gold eyes that usually are so like mine, but are now cold and terrifying. “ **Boys** ,” he spits out, and my eyes widen as his other hand grips the collar of my dress. “don't wear...” _

_“Dad, no--”_

_“ **Dresses**!” And he rips down._

 

“Dad, stop!” I shouted as my eyes snapped open.

My breath hitched, the oxygen wouldn't come. Oh,God... I tried again and again, but the more I tried, the more my lungs seemed to close up. My head swam, and tears spilled down my already wet cheeks. I'm dying; the bastard's finally killed me. I always knew he eventually would just like he did _**Mom**_!

“Edward!” I could barely hear Al calling though my fog filled brain. NO! He couldn't see me like this! He couldn't see what the bastard can do. I couldn't leave him alone either. I just knew Al would be next without me. I can't die here!

Something plastic pushed into my mouth, and a bitter mist rushed out. I didn't want to breathe it in, but I had no choice; my lungs were so starved for air they sucked it up of their own free will. Another puff came right on its heels, as I continued to swallow it down.

Gradually, my lungs seemed to open up. Once my breathing started to even out, fingers gently placed a pill on my tongue. A cool glass pressed against my lips, and Al's voice slowly coaxed me to drink.

He was closer, now. His voice didn't sound so distant anymore. I slid an eye open to see the blatant fear and concern all over Al's face, before squeezing it shut again. The beginnings of a fierce headache had settled behind my eyes from the lack of oxygen.

I took a deep, unhindered breath as reality came back into focus. I wasn't twelve anymore, I was eighteen, and my father **was not here**. We had gotten away, Al and I. The two of us rented an apartment in East City called Xingese Paradise that was run by a tiny, Xingese girl and her creepy brother. We were safe. I was safe. For now.

I opened my eyes, despite the headache. Al was still watching me like a hawk, but I couldn't really blame him. It would have scared the hell out of me, too, if our places were reversed. A small smile tugged at my lips as I attempted to reassure him.

“I think, I'm okay, now. Thank you, Al,” I said softly.

Al closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. “You scared me to death, brother,” he whispered sounding every bit like the innocent child I wished he could be. But, we'd both been through too much for that. He might not be as damaged as me, and I am beyond grateful for that, but he'd seen and heard too much to come out completely unscathed.

I reached for his face and pressed our foreheads together. “I know,” I breathed. “I know, and I'm so, so sorry for that.”

“Don't apologize,” he argued, but didn't pull away. “This isn't your fault, Ed. **None** of it is. There is only one person who is to blame for this, and he's half a day away in Resembool. You're free from him now.”

But I wasn't, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to, but I couldn't. He would never stand for it, if he knew. He wouldn't stand to be the only one truly free, while I was left with an invisible chain around my neck. But it was the price to be able to keep by baby brother out of harm's way, and I learned a long time ago that there was no price I wouldn't pay for that. I just needed to keep Al oblivious to it.

So I put on a bright smile just for him. “You're right,” I lied. And it was easy. It had to be. He stared at me, and I knew he was trying to detect the lie, but he wouldn't. It was second nature to me now.

Finally, he gave up and pulled away from me. He tried to stifle a yawn, and I felt a stab of guilt at having woke him up.

“Let's go back to sleep,” I suggested, and gratitude flashed in Al's eyes.

“Do you need me to stay here? I don't mind,” he offered. Al's been sleeping in the same bed as me since all this started. Something about his presence usually kept my nightmares at bay. However, we'd decided before we left to sleep in separate beds once we moved. I didn't want to be dependent on him. I was the older brother, so it was my job to take care of him. It was his job to be a normal teenager with his own room, his own bed, and at some point his own relationships. Al could never have those things if he kept sleeping in his brother's bed. Besides, I had a backup plan.

So, I took a deep breath and shook my head. “No, I think I'll just take one of my sleeping pills. I never have nightmares when I take them.”

Al narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, nor any other kind of dream. You always have the hardest time waking up when you take those.”

“But I don't have nightmares, and you get to sleep in your own bed,” I insisted.

“I can deal with it, if you can go to sleep in a healthy way,” he wasn't backing down.

I sighed, “Look, it'll only be for a little while. Once I start at the University, I'll book appointments with the campus therapist, and we'll figure out a better way. Okay?”

Al grit his teeth before pushing off the bed to fish through the mess of pill bottles spilled out on the dresser. He must have dumped my medical bag in his rush to find my inhaler and emergency anxiety pills. Once he'd found the correct pill, he came back to reluctantly hand it to me. I downed it with the remaining water in the glass.

“You promise this is only a temporary fix?” he had to ask.

My gold eyes met his steel gray. “I promise,” I had to lie. Therapists were sneaky and asked too many questions. I didn't fail to notice that I'd been making a lot of promises to Al I had yet to keep.

The look in Al's eyes said he hadn't either. It couldn't be helped, though. I had to deal with this by myself. It was my burden to bear.

I ripped my gaze away to settle back into the covers. “Night, Al,” I closed the conversation.

I didn't miss the small, hurt gasp at my abrupt dismissal. Still, before he left he whispered, “Goodnight, brother...” and closed the door with a soft click.

* * *

 

**One week later; first day of classes**

 

My alarm went off at 5:30 in the morning, long before Al would be up. It took me awhile to clear my thoughts enough to know where I was, and what I was doing. Al wasn't wrong when he said those sleeping pills made it difficult to wake up. Even once I was awake enough to think, actually getting to the shower was like walking through a swamp. Eventually, I stood under the scalding water, letting it run in rivulets down my scarred skin.

I had needed a distraction. Some form of escape from the life I was forced into. College was meant to be that. It **had** to be that. It wasn’t permanent; I knew that from the beginning. Most people would probably think, now that they were eighteen they could do what they wanted. They could just leave, and turn their backs on the hellish life they’d been raised in.

I couldn’t do that, though. For starters, I had Al to worry about. The last thing I could ever do would be to leave Al alone in a house out in the middle of nowhere with _**him**_.

‘So, it’s a year,’ people might say. And they’d be right, in a way. While I couldn’t leave him to endure what I had for even a minute, much less a year, I could have just dealt with another year of it before leaving for college. However, anyone who thinks Van Hohenheim would just let that be the end of it, doesn’t know my father. We may live out in the middle of nowhere, but his arms stretch far. No matter how far we ran, he'd eventually catch up with us.

So, I made a deal.

I cut off the water. The stream had turned cold, anyway. I could shower later, when I had other things on my mind to think about. A glint of metal caught my eye from beside the shampoo, but I quickly exited the shower before my gaze fell fully on it. No need to head down that train of thought when I know exactly where it ends.

I wrapped my hair in a towel, before leaving the bathroom to slip into a pair of jeans. A black, long-sleeved button up shirt soon followed, sliding over my arms and effectively covering scars, both old and new.

The smell of bacon wafted through the apartment, signaling that Al must be awake. I'd taught him to cook ages ago. Back when we would fantasize about running away, I figured I'd teach him just in case. Our father had a thing about men cooking, though, so he put a stop to it pretty quick. I only managed to teach basic breakfast. Pretty damn good breakfast, though, so I wasted no time in rushing to the kitchen.

“What are you doing up so early?” I asked from the doorway. Al's back was to me as he bent over the stove, but he didn't react to my sudden question. No matter how silent I was, Al always had this uncanny ability to know I was there.

“Making you breakfast. I knew you'd probably skip it if I didn't,” he responded without looking up. I winced. Al really did know me better than anybody else. I tended to forget breakfast and lunch, or skip them altogether if he didn't remind me to eat. However, when I did eat, I ate enough for two or three people.

Al laid the bacon strips on two plates alongside the already made eggs. He turned to me with a wide smile on his face. “I also have a surprise I wanted to show you before you left!” he gestured excitedly towards a large white box on the table. “It's to celebrate your starting University!”

I frowned. I didn't get gifts very often, and couldn't even begin to guess what it might have been. Walking into the kitchen, I stopped in front of the table to lift the lid off the box.

Inside, nestled in the tissue paper, was a red dress. My eyes widened in shock as I lifted it out.

“I know, you haven't worn a dress in years,” he spoke slowly, “but I've seen the way you look at Winry's dresses. You always wanted to, but thought you couldn't.” My wild eyes fall on him as his smile broadens. “Ed, you can wear whatever you want, now.”

I smiled back as I realized the truth. Even though I might not be completely free, our father still wasn't here. Maybe, I couldn't wear this in public, but around the house would be perfectly fine. Without another thought, I reached up to wrap my arms around by brother's neck. He may be younger, but unfortunately, he'd grown much taller than my 5'6”.

“Thank you,” I whispered, not trusting my voice with any more than that.

Al chuckled. “You're welcome, but, brother... you're still wearing the towel in your hair. It's scratching my face.”

I laughed as I pulled back to tug the towel off of my head. Damn thing was coming loose, anyway. Long, golden locks poured all the way down to just above the small of my back, their dampness reminding me I needed to finish getting ready for school.

“It's beautiful, Al.” I held the dress against my body to gauge how it would look. The dress had thin straps, a ruffled collar, and a flare skirt that cut off at my knees. “I don't have time to try it on now, but I'll do it as soon as I get home.”

Al nodded, and then spun around to pick up one of the plates off the counter. “Don’t forget breakfast, brother!”

* * *

 

**9:00 am, British Literature, GenEd**

 

“Good morning, everyone!” the professor announced at the start of class. “Technically, I'm Professor Kumeiga, but feel free to call me Ms. Sheska, or even Ms. S. Professor Kumeiga is my mother, and never felt quite right on me.” She laughed awkwardly, signaling an attempted joke.

People chuckled at her failed attempt.

“Ah, well, let’s get back on track. This is the syllabus we’ll be following for this course,” she continued as she passed out the packets. “You can go over the grading systems on your own. I mainly wanted to talk about the books we’ll be reading. I hope everyone got my email and finished Romeo and Juliet before coming today.”

All of those awkward chuckles from before suddenly turned into disgruntled moans as she continued to ramble through the syllabus. In all honesty, with me being so last minute in getting in, I actually hadn’t gotten that email. So, no, I hadn’t read it in preparation for class. However…

“I’m going to let you divide yourselves up into pairs. All I want you to do now is to discuss the play, but remember your partner. You’ll be working together for your first project on Shakespearean Works. Now, get to it.”

The room filled with chattering students and scraping desks, as everyone flocked to find a partner. I stayed where I was, though. I felt more comfortable waiting till everyone else had settled down. It’s not as if I was particularly picky about whom my partner would be in a room full of strangers.

Eventually, the room cleared, and I found my gaze meeting the darkest eyes I’d ever seen staring right at me. The man had equally dark hair, seemed to be of Xingese descent somewhere down the line, and was obviously several years older than me. A small smirk tugged at his lips before he stood to cross over to me.

“Well, hello there. My name is Roy Mustang,” he held out his hand while he sat across from me.

I didn’t know what it was, but that smirk made me want to punch babies.

“Edward Elric,” I bit out, blatantly ignoring his hand in favor of digging out my notebook from my messenger bag.

Roy fucking Mustang chuckled. He chuckled.

“That’s a lovely name, Elric. Where is it from?”

“The fuck do you mean, 'Where is it from?' What does that have to do with anything?”

He shrugged. “I simply want to know more about you. It’s customary where I come from to ask a new acquaintance their origins.”

My face scrunched as I thought about that. “Are you asking where I’m from, or where my name is from?”

His smirk widened. “Both, if you’re willing to tell me.”

And that smirk was the deal breaker. “Fuck you, you keep smirking like that, and I won't tell you shit. Besides, Elric isn't any weirder than Mustang. Where the hell does _that_ come from?”

At that, his lips spread into an open grin that touched his eyes. He let out a short laugh that gave me the strangest sense of deja vu. “You're right, Edward, I'm sorry. As a show of good will, I'll tell you that the name “Mustang” came from my family's long military history on my father's side. I'm in the military myself, a Lieutenant Colonel, in fact.”

“A Lieutenant Colonel, huh?” I mused. “Who’d you have to smile at to get that position?”

Mock horror shown on Roy’s face as he shot back, “If you are implying that I used anything other than my merits to achieve this rank, then I suggest,” he stopped to discreetly peek around, “you keep your voice down.”

That bastard's smirk returned, and I had to mentally kick myself to keep from laughing. Damn him…

“So, anyway,” Roy backtracked, “Did you actually read the play?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, I actually didn’t. Not that it matters…”

He raised a smug eyebrow. “Oh really? You don’t really look like the slacker type.”

Something about the way he said that really irked me. “And just how do I look?”

Roy thought for a moment before answering, “Practical.”

Confusion and irritation swept through me, and I just knew it was showing on my face. “What the fuck does that even mean?” I hissed. He opened his mouth to continue, but I cut him off, “Nope, never mind. I don’t want to know. Back to your original question, when I said it didn’t matter, it was because I’ve read the fucking book enough times that I didn’t need to for this assignment.”

“Oh, so you’re a fan?” he asked.

I scowled at the implication. “More like a harsh critic.”

“Well then, why don’t we discuss, as that is the assignment? I’d love to hear your thoughts.” That fucking smirk… every baby on the fucking planet better feel lucky none of them were near me.

Al’s exasperated face popped into my head. He’d never forgive me if I fucked up on the first day. So, I gave a resigned sigh and asked, “Where would you like to start?”

The bastard’s smirk turned up into a wide grin, and I knew I was going to hate this man’s guts until the end of time.

“How about we start with the characters? You go first.”

“The characters?” I scoffed. “Well, I’ll start off by saying that this is not a love story, as anyone with half a brain who’s actually read it could tell you. It’s about a 17 year old fuckboy and a 13 year old little girl playing at romance for 3 days, and getting six people killed in the process, including themselves. Romeo can’t deal with the fact that a girl doesn’t want to sleep with him, and in his dramatic despair, sets his sights on someone easier to manipulate.

“Juliet is only just turning 13 at the beginning of the play. She thinks like a child, because she is a child. She knows nothing about sex or relationships, other than the inappropriate jokes her nursemaid constantly makes, and the fact that she’ll probably marry Paris one day. Then some handsome guy comes along and tells her he loves her, and like a child, she believes him.”

“You sound like you've thought a lot about this,” Roy mused. “What makes you think they didn't actually fall in love over these three days? They did go through a lot together, and they did kill themselves once they found out the other had died.”

I rolled my eyes again. “Please, love like that doesn't exist. They were immature teenagers getting dramatic in a fictional story.”

Roy folded his hands in front of his face as he stared at me. “So, you don't believe in love?”

My breath caught and, my eyes narrowed. “We're not talking about what I believe in; we're discussing the play. The two things have nothing to do with each other.”

The fucking smirk returned. “Oh, I beg to differ. Your personal beliefs influence how you interpret what you read. You said Romeo and Juliet were not in love, because 'that kind of love doesn't exist.' That is a personal belief that influenced your consensus. It isn't necessarily wrong, just debatable. It warrants questions. What kind of love are you referring to? Romantic love? Many people believe in that.”

“I mean, the kind of love where a person will die for another person. Humans have an inherent survival instinct; one that more often than not, will win out against an emotion. People don't die for each other. They die because of each other.”

We sat in silence as Roy studied me. His smirk had disappeared, and I found myself torn between relief and missing it. I mentally slapped myself for the confusion. That was not allowed. Just when I thought we were going to sit here staring at each other for the last ten minutes of class, he spoke.

“You have a rather pessimistic outlook of humans for someone so young.”

And, I was mad again. “Oh, let me guess, I'm too young to have such a depressing view? 'Buckle up, kid, your life hasn't even started yet?'”

“Edward---”

“Hey, everyone,” Ms. Sheska interrupted. “We only have a few minutes left of class. I suggest you take this time to exchange contact information with your partners, and then you're free to go. I'll see all of you Wednesday.”

Roy immediately focused back on me, “Edward, I--”

“Give me your phone,” I cut him off again. Suddenly, I decided I didn't want to have this conversation anymore.

He blinked. “What?”

“Give me your phone, please,” I repeated in my best 'you better hurry' voice.

Wordlessly, he handed it over, and I quickly accessed his contact list. After programming my number, I handed it back and prepared to leave.

“Ed,” Roy said, and my head shot up at the way he almost whispered my shortened name. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I know nothing about you, and I would never dream of judging your experiences based on your age. It's not my place.”

I didn't know how to respond. This man had completely flipped his personality from before. I couldn't deal with this. One minute he's deliberately baiting me, and the next he's trying to read my soul. I felt too exposed, and I knew it was time to get out of there. So, I simply nodded, gathered my things, and walked out the door.

* * *

 

**2:40 pm, Xingese Paradise**

 

As discreetly as possible, I inched open the front door of Xingese Paradise. Over the week Al and I had lived here, it hadn't been hard to notice that Ling _always_ knew the second one of us walked in. He was either psychic, or he had hidden cameras. Whichever it was, every time I walked through the door, he'd pop in, and flirt with me for ten minutes. I was not in the mood for more failed flirting.

“Well, hello, _Bǎobèi_ ,” Ling seemed to elegantly slide out of his door. “You are looking ravishing today.”

I raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Ling, I look like this every day. It's not like I've done anything special.”]

“Mm, but you don't need to do anything, Ed. You look ravishing every day.” He leaned over the front desk with a grin. “Come on, Ed. What do you say to a little sleepover at my place tonight?”

My eyes widened in shock at his blatant proposition.

Ling took one look at my face and barked out a laugh. “Oh, I'm only kidding, Ed.” He winked. “This time. You just moved in, so I'll wait a little while, but we're gonna have that sleepover one of these days.

“Um...”

“Anyhoo,” he continued, “My buddy Reed's throwing a party tomorrow night. Wanna come with me?”

By this point, I'd broken out of my stupor enough to respond, “No, thanks, Ling. I don't really do well at parties.”

“You sure? Reed always throws the classiest parties.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks for the offer, though.” I started towards the stairs, before turning back. “Hey, do you know if Al's back, yet?”

Ling rolled his eyes up to the ceiling in thought. “Uh, no. He and May shouldn't be back for another 30 minutes. The high school doesn't get out until 3 pm, and it's about a fifteen minute drive between here and there.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks, Ling!” I call as I continue up the steps.

“Hey, Ed, that offer still stands if you change your mind! You wanna come to the party, just let me know!” he shouted after me.

“Fine!” I conceded.

I saved my exasperated sigh for once I was safely inside my apartment. Ling was certainly a hand full.

I looked around my empty apartment. At the sofa and recliner sitting in front of the TV in the living room. At the archway leading to the empty kitchen. Where just this morning, my baby brother had made me bacon and eggs at 5 am just to make sure I ate.

Thinking of Al... I figured I should try on that dress he bought me. It'll make him smile if I'm wearing it when he gets back. The corner of my lips twitched up fondly at the image of Al happy. He deserves it so much more than me.

With that in my mind, I padded my way down the hall to my bedroom. I'd left the white box on my double bed in the center of the room. My dark shirt and jeans had already dropped to the floor by the time I flipped open the lid.

My fingertips slid underneath the thin straps, and I held it against my body. The dress was gorgeous, and I didn't waste any more time before sliding it over my head. With a flick of my wrist, I'd pulled my long braid out and draped it over one shoulder.

The flare skirt swished over my skin just above my knees. I felt the urge to twirl just like I did for Mom all those years ago. I stood in the middle of the floor so I could see my reflection in the large dresser mirror.

My heart sank. The dress was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. However, the thin shoulder straps did nothing to hide the jagged white scars littered up my arms and over my chest. Three cuts stood out stark red just under the crook of my right elbow. They were only a few days old, so they were still healing.

Tears pricked at my eyes, but didn’t fall. Dammit! Al couldn’t see me like this. It’s not like he didn’t know, he’s not stupid, but he doesn’t need to see the mess that is his big brother.

I shook my head to rid myself of the creeping fog, and quickly wiped the tears away. It was okay. I could deal with this. First, I needed to wrap my arms up, particularly the new scars. Pretending Al didn’t notice wouldn’t do me much good if I ended up in the hospital for an infection.

So, I padded over to the bathroom to get my first aid kit and my cover sleeves from the top drawer of the sink. The stretchy, black fabric connected around my shoulders, and so effectively hid the scars from view. Al would know what I was doing, but he wouldn’t comment unless he saw the new cuts.

The click of the front door carried through the silent apartment, and I knew Al was home. Damn, no time to clean the new cuts, so I simply slid the sleeves on to go greet him. Hopefully, I could get away quickly to properly dress them.

“Brother, are you home?” Al called through the house.

“Al!” I responded excitedly, but stopped short the moment I entered the living room.

May was standing right behind Al, and she was staring right at me.

Her eyes widened as she took in the dress I was wearing. This was it. It’s only been a week, dammit!

“Oh, Ed!” she exclaimed. “That dress is so cute!”

Wait, what? Blatant shock and confusion etched onto my face. This… was not the reaction I’d been expecting.

Then she was running, giggling, towards me. “Ed, you have to tell me where you got-“

“Wait, May!” I tried to stop her.

Her hand wrapped around my arm, right under the crook of my elbow, and I couldn’t hold back the instinctive gasp of pain. My eyes immediately shot up to meet the distraught look on Al’s face. Yeah, he knew what the problem was.

May, on the other hand, did not. “Ed, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” And before I could stop her, she’d shoved the sleeve up to my elbow, revealing the myriad of white marks, and the three read gashes. Understanding and regret flashed in her eyes, but they were quickly replaced by a wide smile. She beamed up at me and said, “Oh look, you’ve gone and hurt yourself. We need to clean and dress that, or it’ll get infected.”

I started to protest, “May, I—“

“No, no,” she deflected with a quick shake of her head. Gently, she led me over to the sofa and pressed my shoulders until I sat. “Don’t you worry about it, I’ll fix you up. Do you have a first aid kit?” she asked.

“In my bathroom on top of the sink.” She nodded and headed towards my bedroom.

Al was staring at me, but I refused to look at him. What was I supposed to say?

“You… you said you’d stopped, Ed,” Al’s voice held a slight tremor, like he was trying to stubbornly refuse to get emotional in front of me.

“Yeah, well… I’ve said a lot of things,” I mumbled, hoping the conversation would just go away.

“Ed, why do you keep—“ Al’s mouth snapped shut as May stepped back into the room carrying my first aid kit.

That bright smile never left her face as she knelt in front of me and began pouring a saline solution on a cotton ball. “So, where did you get that adorable dress, Ed?” she asked as she lightly padded at the cuts.

I blinked. “Um, Al got it for me. It was a present for starting University.”

Her gaze flicked to my brother. “Oh? _Rúhé zhōudào_... He has wonderful taste.”

“Yeah... he does,” I whispered, still utterly confused by her behavior. Why wasn't she freaking out about any of this? She didn't even blink when she saw me wearing the dress. She just carried on as if it was normal. And the cuts and scars didn't even faze her...

“So, how was your first day, Ed?” May applied the skin closure strips. “Meet any interesting people?”

The unexpected question caused me to snort lightly as Roy Mustang's fucking smirk popped into my head. “Interesting is definitely a word for him...”

A conspiratorial gleam shone in the Xingese girl's eyes. “Oh, what's his name? What's he like?”

Dark eyes gleamed mockingly from under unkempt, equally dark hair in my memory. “Fucking Annoying is what his name was,” I huffed.

“Brother...” Al admonished from where he sat on the recliner. Weird, I hadn't noticed him move.

An exasperated sigh pushed passed my lips. “Fine, his name was Roy Mustang. Oh no, wait. _Lieutenant Colonel_ Roy Mustang. He's military. Don't know what such a high ranking bastard was doing in my British Lit. class, but I honestly don't care.”

“Military?” May giggled. “I bet he was _shuàigē_ , a hunk!”

I frowned at the suggestion. “Not in the slightest. The fucking giant had to be nearly ten feet tall. I mean, what the hell does he think he's doing towering over perfectly normal sized people?”

“Brother...”

“Ugh! Fine, fine. Al, he was about your height, the bastard. He had shaggy, black hair, that I am almost positive can't possibly be regulation length, dark eyes... I think he was, at least, part Xingese like May and Ling, and he had the smarmiest smirk I'd ever seen. Damn thing made me want to punch babies...”

“Ahhahahaha!” May's chime-like laughter filled the apartment. Al and I just watched her at first, unable to believe what we were seeing. However, it didn't take long before we couldn't help but join in. Dammit, I didn't even know what we were laughing about, May's utter joy just felt so contagious. I hadn't felt like this is such a long time.

Eventually, the laughter had to die out, but the mirth never left May's face. “Ed, you are so funny, and passionate, and the extent to which you _do_ care is marvelous.” She patted my hand as she slid my sleeve down to cover the now clean and dressed wounds. “I don't know why you do this to yourself, and I'm not going to spout any lines about how 'life gets better.' I just wanted to let you know, that even though I've only known you for a week, I can tell that you are such an amazing person. As your friend, and I'd like to think we're friends now, I'll say please stop hurting yourself. At the same time, as an aspiring doctor, if this does happen again, my door is always open.” With that, she stood and headed for the front door, sending a shy smile Al's way as she passed. As she stood in the doorway, she turned to me and added, “And again, that dress looks so beautiful on you.” And she left, silently closing the door behind her.

Al and I were speechless, just staring at the now closed door. It took me a minute to realize how wet my cheeks were. But before I could reach up to wipe them dry, Al was already there. He knelt down beside me and pulled me into a hug.

“I'm so sorry, brother! I tried to make it about me, but you're the one who's hurting, and I am just so sorry! May was right, you shouldn't be alone in this! It's not fair for you to carry everything by yourself!”

I smiled fondly into my little brother's shoulder. “Oh, Al, I've never been alone. I know you're here for me when I need you. I'm sorry for lying to you so much.”

Al leaned back on his heels. “We'll work on it. You don't have to tell me everything, now, or even all at once. We can take this one step at a time.”

I nodded in agreement, my smile tight from the drying tears, but I didn't care.

“Now.” Al stood. “Let me get a good look at you in this dress.”

“Haha, okay.” I hopped up from the sofa and spread my arms out.

“Twirl around,” Al urged me. I rolled my eyes in mock irritation, but did as he asked. I loved the feeling of the fabric fluttering over my legs. After rotating a complete 360º, I ended up once again facing Al. He was looking at me, but he seemed to have a faraway look in his eyes.

“Al?”

He blinked. “Sorry, you just... You reminded me of Mom dancing at the Fall Festival when we were kids. You look just as beautiful as her in that dress.”

I looked away in embarrassment. “You really think so? Even with the-” I gestured at the black arm covers.

Al nodded. “Ed, I don't mind if you wear the sleeves or not. The dress would still look great without them, because it's you. With them, you're just adding a cute new layer.”

“Hmm. Thanks, Al.”

“Hey, Ed. You know, May was right about another thing.”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “And what was that?”

A wide grin spread across his face. “I haven't seen you get so worked up over someone in _years_ , brother. It's pretty obvious, Ed. You care.”

Horror washed over my face, causing Al to burst out laughing. “I fucking do not! That Mustang is a bastard, and I want nothing to do with him!”

“You keep telling yourself that, brother!” Al manages to choke out.

I rolled my eyes and headed for the kitchen. Now that Al was home, we should get something to eat. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Same goes to you, you know! If you don't marry May one day, you will have failed at life! Do you hear me?”

Al didn't stop laughing. “Oh, don't I know it, Brother! Hell, if I don't know it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! I hope no one got too upset! Please, let me know what you think in the comments! Constructive criticism always appreciated.
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Kumeiga- Common Polish surname, derived from a word meaning "friend." Sheska's surname isn't revealed in any of the series, nor is it on any wikias, so I had to make something up. Looked up Common Polish surnames, since "Sheska/Sciezka" is a Polish name.
> 
> Bǎobèi- Chinese for "baby" or "dear." Ling is incredibly presumptuous in calling Ed this, even if Ed doesn't know what it means.
> 
> Rúhé zhōudào- "How thoughtful." (translation fixed) 
> 
> Shuàigē- May said it. It means a "hunk" or "handsome man."


	4. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT A CHAPTER! Please, if everyone could read this I'd really appreciate it! Really sorry that it's not a real chapter!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, I've finally decided to put on my big girl pants, and talk to you guys about this long, unintentional hiatus, and my plans for this fic. 

First off, the hiatus: It was just a clusterfuck of life, mental health, boredom, and a bit of writer's block. I didn't tell you, because I kept telling myself it would only be a little while, you'd hardly even miss me. However, it's now been about a year since I last posted, and it doesn't look like I'll be able to again for awhile. That's where we get to the next part of this message. 

Plans for this fic: I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS FIC! Sorry, if I felt like I was shouting, but I wanted that to be absolutely clear. The main problem, at the moment, is that my WiFi has been shut off, and I don't get many opportunities to go into town to find some. I have been writing again, I've got the whole fic planned out, so I should be able to punch out a few chapters fairly quickly. Once I'm able to get to a computer with WiFi, I promise you will have your update. Right now, I'm on my phone waiting for my sister-in-law to push out a baby with my concept notebook in my lap, so maybe it'll be sooner than you think. I hope you all will continue to be patient with me. Thanks to everyone who's commented on this fic. Your thoughts are lovely, and give me motivation. See you next time!


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